Recent Happenings...

Here are some things going on with me lately (email I sent out to a few people)...
from Psalm 10...
2 In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,
who are caught in the schemes he devises.
3 He boasts of the cravings of his heart;
he blesses the greedy and reviles the LORD.
4 In his pride the wicked does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
5 His ways are always prosperous;
he is haughty and your laws are far from him;
he sneers at all his enemies.
6 He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me;
I'll always be happy and never have trouble."


Not all of you know, but lately God has really been speaking to me (through the elders, related to a confession of serious sin that came out about a month ago) that I need to change and have Him as Lord in the realest sense possible. I have been struggling through what this means, blaming my sin on other people, and a lot of the verses above apply to me: I have ensnared others in my sin, I have boasted of it or at least said things in a way that was not truly repentant--made light of it, etc. I have spent more time with those who would excuse my sin and less time with those who would confront me, I have not left ANY room in my thought life for God (yeah, I was thinking through/struggling through things, but I put other things in priority above Him, I failed to have real, powerful devotions and let Him speak to me, and I failed to see His will as more powerful and more necessary than my own). Things have been going relatively well for me and I thought that was all because of me, not God. Yet my life hasn't been reflecting God--I have been ashamed of Him and have not obeyed His laws. Unfortunately, even sin did not shake me. I was content rebelling and drawing further and further away from Him.

Yet praise God for His sovereignty and His divine appointment in authority for my life!! He's given me a new opportunity to turn to Him, and He is proving that He is a bigger God than I thought He was! I have committed my life to Him like never before and asked Him to be MY Lord like never before! Girls, it's going to be a long. hard. road. I am going to be tempted to lie and tell you that everything is ok when it is not. I am going to be struggling against sin that I have delved into and now must face the consequences for. I am going to be struggling to listen to Satan and give up and not work hard at this new life. I am going to be (and am being) tempted to sin in my thought life, to hold onto idols, to hold onto some sort of facade that I am ok when I am not. I am struggling even now to see what God wants me to give up--there are the obvious areas, but there is so much more in my life that needs to come under control. I want to serve God for His glory not for any type of third thing--and there is so much more that I, in my flesh, want! Please pray for me as I struggle with all these things; from the most obvious to the smallest. From the most mundane to the most difficult. Please continue to pray that I give EVERYTHING to Him--not a piece but full surrender. I want to not be emotional but to serve Him wholeheartedly.