Love

"What you tell me about in the nights. That is not love. That is only passion and lust. When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve."
--Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

I read this book in my Hemingway and Fitzgerald class this past semester and, while it is not out of the Bible, this quote really stuck with me. First of all, the quote is said by a priest speaking to a disillusioned soldier. He is telling him to turn from the misery of his life and turn to God, to love God. But he's making another really important point: that what we think of as love, is NOT love. The romance of a relationship, the whirlwind of emotions, the lust involved, the physical expressions, the cute cards, the pretty flowers, the dinner dates...that is not love. I got caught up thinking that a lot of that meant love; it doesn't. That doesn't mean I have a good concept of what love is; I don't. But that's why we have an example of true love--

1 John 3:16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

In the Hemingway quote and in this verse we see a similar theme: Love is sacrifice. The ultimate example of sacrifice, the ultimate example of love, is Jesus Christ dying for our sins. So what does that mean for us? Well, love isn't relegated to dating/marriage relationships. Christ says,

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'" (Matthew 22:36-39)

We are to love everyone as we love ourselves. Just think about that for a second. It's so easy for me to say that and for it to not mean anything. Do I give the best of everything to others? If we love God first and foremost, our love for others will come out more. Am I looking out for the needs of others? Seeking to serve and bless others? With siblings and roommates (I'm assuming on this one) it's easy to think of them as 'just' a sister--then serve those I like or want approval from. Yeah, it's easy to get a glass of water for a leader--while I fight with Angela over little things.

What does 1 Cor 13 say about love?

Love is patient-Love waits. Love waits for someone else to go through the door first, love waits while someone slower is holding you up. Love waits with a gracious, kind attitude. Love waits for God's plan in relationships--it does not hurry anything up, it does not delve into sexual sin, it does not try to manipulate a relationship into happening. Love (as women) waits for the man to initiate every step, and Love seeks God's will in that relationship. If we are single, Love patiently embraces singledom--without a hidden agenda of wanting a relationship. Love doesn't say "God I will serve you if/when/after you give me what my heart really desires". Love patiently serves the Lord and waits to see what His will is.

Love is kind-Love speaks with gentle words, with an encouraging spirit, with thoughtfulness. Love is gracious and desires to turn away wrath. Is it kind to criticize someone for their weight, way they dress, funny hairstyle, crooked eyeliner? Is it kind to gossip about someone else, no matter how much we feel justified? Yeah maybe someone did say something rude to me. I can twist it into 'concern' for them as I talk to someone else about it...but that is not Love.

It does not envy- Love does not look at someone else and want what they have. It does not envy a better job, more money, 'better' parents, nicer siblings, work ethic, workout ethic, a better body shape, more confidence, a relationship, a marriage, kids, intelligence, musical ability, better shaped nose, straighter teeth, personality, friends, anything. God gave each of us what He wanted us to have. We are to be content in what we have, and happy for others in what God has given them. Is that as hard for you guys as it is for me?? Some things I envy (purpose in life, direction in life, fulltime job, grad school, etc) can be good things--might even be things God has for me. But if I am not living my life in accordance with His plan and His word to me, I will not reap the full blessings--and by that, I mean I will not have the relationship with Him that I so envy in others. We are commanded to turn FIRST to God and find fulfillment in Him and not worry about temporal things.

It does not boast- This comes in so subtly for me. You guys probably see it clearer in me ;) I used to think that the only people that boast were people who had something to boast about--4.0 GPA, baseball scholarship to school, model good looks, musical genius...Oh no. I tend to boast about how great my life is (even when it's not), how well I'm doing spiritually (even when I'm not), how much I've done/served...or how about these ones? Boasting about how little I have to work, how easy school is, how I'm so changed...Love talks about other people and boasts only in Christ--glory goes to God!

It is not proud- This goes along with boasting. Love humbly considers others better than ourselves. Love for God recognizes that He has put authority in our lives for our benefit, and love submits to those authorities. Love embraces words of correction, discipline, and rebuke and changes.

It is not rude- Love does not put others down, even in a joking way. Love is also not self-depracating--God made me in His image! God wants me to glorify Him. Yes, we are humble and see ourselves as the chief of sinners. But that does not mean we insult ourselves to others--even in our looks. Are we questioning how God made us? Are we questioning the Divine Creator for how He created us? Do we bring glory to God in how we speak to others, or do we laugh at the gifts, personality, or looks He has given them?

It is not self-seeking-Is our welfare our concern? Does it only matter if we get the credit for something? Am I willing to trample down others to get where I want to go? Do I only talk about myself? Love doesn't just not seek self first, it does not seek self at all. Love seeks others out and serves others. Love does not use others, lead others into sin, or manipulate others into doing what we want.

It is not easily angered-Self-explanatory perhaps. But still. Not only unjustified anger. If someone sins against me, am I instantly mad? Or do I return with a gentle word? Do I assume that the other person meant to personally insult me, or do I assume the best about them, that they made a mistake or an ill-timed joke? Do I have think skin and am I sensitive about EVERYTHING? If I am PMSing do I use that as an excuse to get mad?

It keeps no record of wrongs-Love does not hold grudges. Know what grudges turn into? Bitterness. Going through my own heart, I have bitterness and grudges against people who I say I love. Love lets go and forgives. Love remembers how much God sacrificed for us and forgave us for and forgives things that are infinitely smaller in comparison.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-Love does not get excited when someone else is sinning because it makes me feel better about myself. Love does not invite others to participate in evil with her; Love does not enjoy sinning. Love instead rejoices when someone comes back to Christ, Love cultivates that relationship, Love desires the absolute best for that person. Love prays for enemies, that they will come to know Christ. Have you always looked down on someone in Grace Alive for being weird/obnoxious/boycrazy/worldly? Then what if they become a Christian? Are you rejoicing, or still considering yourself better than them? Are you praising God, or waiting for them to show a false commitment to Christ so you can say "I told you so. I knew it"? Are you happy when someone you've had a problem with 'goes off the deep end' into sin? Does hearing other people confess sin make you more proud of your walk, more disgusted by them...or more thankful God is speaking to them??

It always protects-Love does not lead others into sin. This seems so self-evident but has been a huge problem in my life lately and I cannot say it enough. Do you slyly suggest a friend does not listen to everything her discipler says? Do you convince a friend's sin is not bad enough for her to need to confess? Do you participate in gossip, slander, dishonoring of authority, making light of sin? This is not Love-Love protects a sister's walk with Christ. Do you suggest a shady place to go on Friday nights? Insist on a less-than-pure movie? Suggest a website full of dirty articles or tips on flirting? This is not protecting someone else. In a relationship, is the man protecting your purity? The Bible says a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church--presenting her as holy, without stain or wrinkle. Is he protecting you like this? Is he keeping you from sin? Is he rebuking your sinfulness or showing you areas where you need to change? Or is he always complimenting you, thinking you are perfect? This is not really protecting! Is he encouraging you to love God more? To honor your parents? Is he protecting you from becoming jealous, bitter, angry, or possessive? Ok now we've picked on guys...turn that around on yourself. Are you protective of his purity? Are you wearing clothes to attract guys and cause them to stumble, or clothes that will cause them to see God first? We are called to love our brothers in Christ!

Always trusts- This one gets me every time. ALWAYS, God? Why ALWAYS? Why not just when I feel like it? Trust is a hard topic for me, because I don't really know what it means. But I do think it doesn't mean you see a double-minded, double-living person and trust that because they say they're doing ok, you believe them. But it does mean if you have no reason to believe otherwise, you trust what they say. You aren't always looking for them to fall. But moreover, Love trusts GOD. Trusts God that He has a purpose and a plan for my life. Trusting God that no matter what people disappoint, He is there and He will uphold me if I walk with Him.

Always hopes- Love always hopes for others. Hopes that my friend, who is in sin, will turn to God. Hopes that God will reveal sin. Hopes that God will renew our friendship. Hopes that God grants her the desires of her heart in accordance with His will, no matter how that hurts me or tempts me to be jealous. Hopes that they are serving God. Hopes that (for example with Rachel living in Boston) that they find strong Christian friends and a strong, Biblical church. Love wants the best for others! But again, our ultimate hope is in Christ! That He is almighty to save!

Always perseveres- I am convicted about perseverance. I don't persevere in prayer for my brother's salvation/God's will to be done/my job situation etc etc. I don't naturally want to persevere in my walk with God. But what about relationships and friendships? Am I persevering in praying for my friends? Especially when I tell them I will? Am I persevering in keeping our friendship going? Am I persevering in my walk with Christ so that I may be a blessing to them? Am I an example of Christ's faithfulness to give us strength and grace when we feel like giving up?

Love never fails- Love never gets frustrated by hearing the same story seventy times. Love never fails to forgive. Love never fails to be kind. Love doesn't give up because the friend does not reciprocate. Love doesn't rejoice when the other person sins. Love doesn't fail to be thankful for the other person. Love doesn't fail to correct her friends or to take correction from friends. Love speaks the truth, Love doesn't fail to shine Christ. Love is not selfish, does not hold things back, Love does not fail to serve.

NO MAN has greater love than Christ!

Girls, please don't take this as a sermon. I have no right to tell you how to love, because I myself do not know what love is or how to truly love others. These are just some thoughts I had, and I wanted to write them out. I am so thankful for Christ's love for me, and for your love for me!