Scattered Thoughts

Sometimes I feel like God has taken everything away from me, and I don't get it. I don't understand why I can't have the things that make me happy.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Isn't that so easy to say? And so hard to live out? When friends leave, when earthly comforts seem to be going away, when we don't understand why things happen, it is so hard to live like this verse is true.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

But WHY, God? I want to know why you allow certain things to happen. Why do you allow me to sin? Why do you take things away from me that I consider so dear? Why am I saddened and confused and hurt??

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Oh, I just saw that. In ALL things. In all hurt, God? Really? Because I'm not seeing much good right now. For MY good? I do love you, God. More than everything else? I'm trying God. Sometimes that part is hard.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Your purpose. Got it. Not mine. Because just to let You know, God, (and I know you already know) Your purpose is often not mine. My will wants something else most of the time. Like right now. I want Your will, but I want mine, too. I want Your will to be my will. But that's not right, God. I know. Help me to believe, and help me to surrender!!! Help me to see that I may not know the why, or how things will ultimately be for my good, but help me to see that You are working them out for my good. God, that is the most encouraging promise I have ever heard! Help me to TRUST You in that!!!



Something I was thinking about on the way home tonight...kind of had these thoughts in the form of a prayer.

"God, why do you allow me pain in my friendships with people? I am often disappointed by them. I hate when friends don't keep commitments or don't seem to love me or want to be around me. I hate that most of my friendships are superficial, and I hate that people don't make time for me."

"Jenna, the Best Friend you can have is Jesus Christ."

"God, I know that You say that. But I don't really see it. Plus, I can't have dinner with Him. I can't go on a walk with Him. I can't do anything for Him."

"Jenna. You are called to commune with Him. You are called to walk with Him. I want you to love Me and serve Me and obey My will. This pleases Me."

"Yes, God, but. But what about my friends on earth? I put so much time into some of my friendships; all I want is some kind of response."

"Jenna, that's the point. You put so much time and energy and resources into things and people I have told you will ultimately disappoint. You have put your trust in people who are sinful and faulty. You have invested into relationships that are by nature, temporal. What about Me? How much time have you spent with Me lately? How much have you valued Me? How much have you done to please Me? I have promised to never leave you or forsake you. I have promised to always love you with a real love. I have promised you. I do not change. I do not disappoint. I promise to be here whenever you need Me, day or night. I promise to keep my promises. I promise that if you do what I command, you will be blessed. Could you ask for a better friend? No matter what person you invest in on earth, it will never be as satisfying as a relationship with Me. TRUST Me, Jenna. OBEY Me, Jenna."

How easy is it to pretend that we are loving our friends and not expecting anything from them in return, but then we get angry or self-righteous or indignant or sad or depressed when we don't get anything in return? Christ has promised to be our friend. To be our Savior and Lord. And, that if we follow Him, we will be blessed. Girls, we are told to love as He loved us. What causes us to devalue that love or think that any other kind of love is better?? He is offering that love to us--let's take it!



One more thought:

I think I read this story in an Elisabeth Elliot book...
A woman was struggling between her will and God's will. Which to choose, which to choose...
A wise pastor gave her a piece of paper with two words on it and told her to cross one off, and she would have her answer.
She came back and silently handed him her paper, with neither word crossed off.
On the paper was written "Yes, Lord." We cannot cross off either word and still be in His will. To cross off "Lord" would be to blatantly admit that He is not our Lord--we are not doing His will, we don't care. Yet to cross off "yes", we cannot still call Him Lord.